I walked home
this time.
and it felt rather different.
you were not there.
and I’m not sure of where you really are by now.
are you okay?
will we get through this?

genetics.
it’s fucked up.
they remind me of you,
every move,
every joint pain,
that’s when I feel you.
when I know you are with me
and that I will carry you,
everywhere I go,
for the rest of my fucking life,
beyond your existence,
and, who knows,
maybe beyond mine.

is it fair?
oh please,
sometimes fairness
is not even applicable.
it’s just life.
challenging you
to be your best self.

and then again,
I remember those years,
when I was supposed to be a child,
but there was no time for it.
who was I back then?
and,
more importantly,
who will I be on the other side of the arrangement?
what a shit show.